My Actual Bucket List (Really!)

January 31, 2014

The past couple of days I have had a lot of fun posting what I would not put on my bucket list.
  Thank you for your wonderful feedback on both lists.  I'm glad I was able to give you a few laughs.

Today, I'd like to share with you what I actually would include on the to-do list for my life.  These are real aspirations that I would like to accomplish before I "kick the bucket," so to speak, given the right circumstances.

I decided to share this list of aspirations so that you might get to know me a little better also, and that you might share in my dreams a little bit.

Cheers,

Steve

My Actual Bucket List (Really!)

* Go to Rome, visit the Vatican and meet Pope Francis

I have wanted to go to Rome for many years now. I want to see it all - the Colosseum, the Forum and Palatine Hill, the Pantheon, Trevi Fountain, the Catacombs, the Apian Way, St. Peter's Basilica, the Sistine Chapel, the Vatican Museums... I could go on. But in the past seven months, since he was elected pontiff, I have felt a strong pull to see Pope Francis. Even though I am a Protestant, I love the message of good news to the poor than Pope Francis is delivering. Though I would be satisfied just to see him amid the crowd in St. Peter's Square as he speaks from his window in the Vatican. But, I must confess, that there is a part of me that wishes I could have a Papal audience with him and maybe, just maybe, receiving a blessing and a word for my healing from him.

* Build a log cabin in the mountains

When Lynn and I need a break from our routines, we often will make our escape to the Blueridge Mountains to the west of us. Last winter, we rented a log cabin near Crabtree Falls. It was an amazing weekend. Since that time, I have come up with an idea to either buy an old cabin or to have one built so that Lynn and I would have our own place to get away to. It would be lovely to have a creek or stream nearby as well.

* Live in England for three months (with at least a month in London)

Lynn and I visited England in the winter of 1992 and had a lovely time. We even rented a car, driving on the wrong side of the road in thick fog just to see the countryside. We spent a week touring the country and then a week in London. In the years since that trip, I have tracing my family's genealogy. One of my discoveries is that both on my father's and mother's sides of the family about 90 percent of my ancestors were English. I would love to see when my great-grandparents (several generations removed) lived. I admit, with or without the English heritage, I would still be an Anglophile - a lover of all things English. So why not spend a season or so there drinking tea, visiting ancient churches and looking up dead ancestors?

* Read the New Testament in Greek, and the Old Testament in Hebrew

When I attended Emory & Henry College, I studied Koine Greek, the common language of Greek in which the New Testament was written. I took Greek with my New Testament professor, Dr. Kellogg, a wonderful teacher and scholar. When I had finished all the Greek courses which were offered, I also took an additional self-study with Dr. Kellogg in which I translated the Book of Mark. It was a great experience and gave me a new appreciation for those who have translated the Bible in it's entirety. In seminary, I took Hebrew. It was not as easy or as rewarding as learning Greek, but I did okay. So with this background in mind, I would love to polish those language skills so that I could read the Bible in original texts - both in Greek and Hebrew. That ought to keep me busy for a year or two.

* Learn Latin (and maybe Chinese too)

I don't have many regrets in life, but I do somewhat regret not having taken Latin at some point. In high school, I took Spanish, which ended up being extraordinarily helpful when I served a multicultural congregation in a largely Hispanic community. But Latin is such a foundational language. It seems to me that one with a liberal arts education, Latin should be something essential to learn. So, one day I hope to fill this gap in my education. As Emory & Henry's motto puts it, "Macte Virtute" - "Increase in Excellence!" And so I will.

* Go to Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in New York

Ever since I was a kid in Kingsport, Tennessee, I have watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. I doubt that there has been a single year when I did not watch at least some portion of it. I've always

wanted to go and see it in person - to watch the enormous balloons as they make their way down 6th Avenue to 34th Street; to see the floats and the famous personalities they carry; and to hear the bands from all over the country play. A few years ago, my old school marching band was in the parade - Dobyns Bennett High School from Kingsport. I wish I could have been there that year to see and hear them in person. Maybe I'll go when they are again invited to participate.

* Go on an archaeological dig

I'm fascinated by archaeology, and not just because I'm a fan of Indiana Jones either. The idea of ancient civilizations and their relics being unearthed has always intrigued me. I would love to go on a dig in Northern Africa, the Holy Land, or somewhere else in the Middle East and be a part of history by searching for it.

* Visit all 50 states and each of the National Parks

I've traveled to nearly all of them already, but there are a handful that I haven't been to yet. I would like to complete the journey. In addition, my wife, Lynn, and I love our country's National Parks. There are quite a few of those that I have missed out on during my travels and would like to those which I have missed.

* Learn to play the banjo (finally)

Two years ago, I bought a banjo. Not just any banjo, but a Deering five-string Goodtime Special! It's beautiful to look at and has a gorgeous sound. It's actually the second banjo that I have owned. The first my father bought me when I was 15. I took lessons and practiced, but gave it up when I discovered girls at 16. So two years ago I decided to give it another try. I took lessons and practiced, but soon grew discouraged in my inability to play worth a hoot. I have come to realize that my timidity with this instrument lay less in my skill than in knowing what kind of music I wanted to play. I'm really not a bluegrass player. I prefer folk on the banjo. Now that I know what kind of music that I want to play, learning how is much clearer.

* Be a part of a flash mob

A flash mob is a group of people who gather together in a public place to perform some eccentric or artistic act for a few moments and then just as quickly disperse. I think I would like to be in one at least once in my life. I would like to participate in one which draws attention to a pressing social or political issue of importance. Text me if you know of one which is happening nearby!

* Be completely out of debt

After raising five children and paying for four of them to attend college (Abraham, our youngest child, has a football scholarship to James Madison University), let's say that the state of affairs with regard to our finances is at best fragile. As with most Americans, we just have too much debt. To be free of that burden would be cause for rejoicing indeed.

* Establish a scholarship for the study of politics and religion

If I ever came into significant money, the first thing I would do is as I mentioned above - pay off our personal debt. The second thing I would like to do with such a windfall is to establish a scholarship at Emory & Henry College to support a student who wants to focus on both religious studies and political science/philosophy. When I went to school there, I majored in religion, but graduated with actually more credits in political science. For me, these two subjects were not in conflict. They seemed to go together well. They both asked similar questions: What is human nature? What is the purpose of this life? How do you live well? I would like future students to have the same kind of experience that I had as a student.

* Adopt a yellow Labrador Retriever

We recently lost one of our beloved pets - our dog, Tip. Tip was trained as a helper dog and served my mother-in-law, Claire, well for four years. Last year, she had to give him up and so we welcomed him into our family, along with our other dog, Lilly, a beagle. Tip was such a blessed to Claire and to us. His unexpected death has created a hole in our lives that no other pet can fill. That said, once our mourning is over, Lynn and I may well have a new space in our lives big enough to welcome another dog. If that is the case, then I want that dog to be a Labrador Retriever. I would like to train him to be both a companion and to offer assistance to the disabled. Labs are such wonderful dogs. They have a great temperament. And they are very smart. I look forward to forming a new bond with a dog such as this.

* Catch a foul ball at a baseball game

I can see it now. I'm at a Washington Nationals baseball game in Washington, D.C. The Nats are at bat. The pitcher from the opposing team throws a ball toward home plate. The batter takes a swing and connects with the ball. But it's a foul. Instead of heading toward the outfield, the ball goes toward the crowd. Though many reach out to catch it, the ball lands in the hands of one, Stephen A. Rhodes! Count on it!

* Commit at least 50 random acts of kindness

I have been blessed by so many people since the onset of my illness, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, in the fall of 2001. I know how much a random act of kindness shown to a fellow human being can mean. So I intend to pay it forward and share the kindnesses that I have received with others.

* Bicycle through New England in the fall

I love New England. Lynn and I honeymooned there, mostly in Maine. So we have many happy memories of that trip, as well as others when her sister, Laura, was a student at Bowdoin College. But I've only been to New England in the summer. I want to go in the fall when the leaves are turning. What better way to see the natural beauty than by biking?

* Go to a Bruce Springsteen concert

With the passing of my musical hero, Pete Seeger, this week, I feel a sense of urgency to see his successor in this field - Bruce Springsteen. If Seeger has a mantel to bestow, I believe that Springsteen deserves to wear it. Bruce writes and sings, much like Seeger, of the things that affect the common working man and woman. I have all his albums, but have never seen him live. This is a must-do!

* Attend a poetry reading by Wendell Berry

The poetry of Wendell Berry calls to me and speaks of a love for the land than many an Appalachian intuits. Like with Springsteen, I have read many of Berry's poems, but have never heard him read his own himself. If I have to journey to Kentucky to do it, then I'm going.

* Finish writing my current book… and start another

I must finish my current book, "Confessions of a Second Grade Failure: A Memoir." Then I must start on my next book, "The Reluctant Ascetic: A Journey Through the Desert of Chronic Illness." When that is done, I'll start yet another...

* Make the New York Times Bestseller List in Nonfiction

I can't wait until the day comes when I open the book review section of The New York Times, only to discover than one of my books has made the bestseller list in nonfiction. If you are going to dream, then dream big, I say!

* And last but not least: Recover from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

Amen.  'Nuff said.

My Anti-Bucket List: Things I Would Never Ever Do! (Part 2)

January 30, 2014


My Anti-Bucket List: Things I Would Never, Ever Do! (Part 2)

Yesterday, I shared with you certain activities that will never make it to my bucket list.  Today's post continues those things that will not make the cut because of the many phobias that I possess.  Let's just say that I like to play it on the safe side of things.

If you missed Part 1 of my Anti-Bucket List blog from yesterday, you can view it here.

Cheers,

Steve

* See the Aurora Borealis

Not to brag or anything, but I have seen light shows in the sky before - fireworks on the Mall in Washington, D.C.  So that was pretty cool.  Why would I need to travel to the far North to see yet another light show?  There aren't even any explosions at this one.  There's that, and the fact that I suffer from auroraphobia - fear of Northern lights.

* Learn Chinese as a Second Language

I've thought about learning another language.  One could make some big bucks being able to speak Chinese and English.  But I've decided that Chinese is just too darn hard.  You have to even learn pitch as well as pronunciation.  Can't you believe that???  But as you have probably guessed, that isn't the only reason.  I have Sinophobia - fear of the Chinese culture, as well as xenoglossophobia - fear of foreign languages, not that I am a cultural or linguistic snob, mind you. There is also the matter of my sophophobia - fear of learning itself. Forget being a life-long learner. I'm all for dumbing down!

* Ride/Drive in a NASCAR Race

Yes, you do not need to point out to me just how popular NASCAR is.  I'm sure that there are thousands of people who would give their right arm to be inside one of those cars during a race.  But not me.  First, there is my amaxophobia - fear of riding in a car, never mind that it is a race car. There is also my tachophobia - fear of going really, really fast. And last, but not least, my dystychiphobia - fear of accidents. I have anxiety just driving myself to the grocery store.

* Run With the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain

This is a good one.  I watch the Today Show.  Every year they show those idiots, inspired by Ernest Hemingway, who throw all caution to the wind and willingly let bulls with horns chase them.  Last year, 16 people were hospitalized because of injuries.  One guy was gored twice!  And over the last 100 years, 13 people have died.  13!!!  Apart from the fear of death, which I mentioned yesterday, I also have taurophobia - fear of bulls, which in my opinion is a perfectly rational fear to have.

* Flying in a Hot Air Balloon

Please!  Do I need to even mention why I won't do this?  Heights, man, heights!  That, and my illyngophobia - the fear of having vertigo or feeling dizzy when looking down.

* Go Parasailing

You already know that I won't skydive.  Why in heaven's name would I willingly strap a parachute on and let myself be pulled by a speed boat across open ocean waters?  What would happen if the cord securing me to the boat broke?  Who knows where I could end up?!  So there's that, and my ancraophobia - fear of wind.

* Drink Champagne at the Top of the Eiffel Tower

Haven't you heard of "Freedom Fries?"  France is soooo passe!  In addition to my Francophobia - the fear of French culture, I also have dipsophobia - fear of drinking.  So let's cross that off my list.

* Ride Virgin Galactic into Space

How could anyone who is afraid of flying still be willing to shot into space?  Richard Branson's newest endeavor, Virgin Galactic, proposes to take folks like you and me - make that just you - who have $250,000 to throw around and achieve sub-orbital space and the experience of weightlessness in the very near future.  Yes, you too can be an astronaut!  But not me.  My astrophobia - the fear of stars or celestial space - will just get in the way. I'll keep my feet firmly grounded, thank you very much!

* Bungee Jumping

Jump from a bridge (or some other very scary high place), tied to nothing but a giant rubber band, bouncing up and down like a human yo-yo?  I'd rather ride Virgin Galactic than do this.  Besides, I have catapedaphobia - the fear of jumping from high places. Guess I should cross off cliff diving in Mexico, too.

* Go Caving

Lynn and I have a very dear friend, Meredith, who is a supreme caver and loves the idea of traversing the deep, dark places under the Earth's surface.  As much as I admire her skill and bravery, I don't think I will be joining her ranks.  First, there is my claustrophobia - fear of confined spaces. Then there is my achluophobia - fear of darkness. And thirdly, my chiroptophobia - fear of bats. I should note that I have been to Carlsbad Caverns in New Mexico, but it was so well lit and easy to access. That's as close as I am going to caving.

* Win the Multi-Million Dollar Lottery

First off, I don't play the lottery.  I've taken math and probability, so I know the odds.  Plus, I'm morally opposed to it as a tax on the poor.  But what if I did play and actually won?  Then I would have to deal with my hylephobia - fear of materialism, as well as my plutophobia - fear of wealth itself. I would be absolutely paralyzed by that amount of money. I would have to just give it all away. So why play in the first place?

* Crowd Surf in a Rock Concert

Even at a Bruce Springsteen concert, I don't think I could do this, as much as I love Bruce.  There is my demophobia - fear of crowds; my aphenphosmphobia - fear of being touched; and that's not the worst of it, I also have chirophobia - fear of hands! Really, where have they been recently? Does anyone have sanitizer handy? Germs! Germs! Germs!

* See the Tulips and Windmills in Holland

I loved the story of Hans Brinker and the Silver Skates as a boy, still I must cross this off my list.  You see, I have both anthrophobia - fear of flowers (really, how does one take in the vast multitudes of tulips?) and also Dutchphobia - the fear of the Dutch. What kind of people wear wooden shoes?

* Pose Nude for Erotic Calendar for Charity

You know, the prudish English seem to go for this kind of thing quite often.  But I must protest myself doing so to my British cousins.  First, there is my gymnophobia - fear of nudity. I mean really - have you seen me nude? I seriously doubt it, nor might you want to. That's not to say I'm too shabby for a 53 year-old, but I'm no Burt Reynolds in the 1970s posing in Cosmo. Also, there is the matter of my catagelophobia - fear of being ridiculed.  I need not say more.

* Ride the Orient Express

How romantic that would be to some - especially to fans of Agatha Christie.  But train travel is just not what it used to be, that and my siderodromophobia - fear of trains, railroads and train travel itself.

* Judge the Miss America Pageant

What red-blooded America male would pass up an opportunity like this?  This American male - that's who!  One reason is that I don't like to judge people - for better or for worse.  Who am I to judge?  Then there is my venustraphobia - fear of beautiful women.

* Get Elected to Public Office

Throw the bums out?  I say let them stay - that way we can keep an eye on them!  Me run for elected office - just ludicrous I say.  First I would have to overcome my politicophobia - fear or abnormal dislike of politicians. I think I am not alone in this phobia. Then I would have to deal with my kakorrhaphiophobia - fear of failure or defeat. And if I actually won a race, I would have to own up to my hypengyophobia - fear of responsibility. This last phobia is shared by much of our current Congress, I believe.

* Visit Athens, Greece (or Other Really Old Places)

I'm sure Athens is an absolutely beautiful place and I know from personal experience that the Greeks have awesome food.  Can you say "baklava" or "gyro"?  Alas, I have a nagging case of atephobia - fear of ruins. The Acropolis would just creep me out.

* Attend the Cirque du Soleil

Speaking of being creeped out, I avoid the circus - any circus - like the plague.  No matter how cool that circus may be - and from what I hear the Cirque du Soleil is way cool - there will always be the issue of clowns.  Like so many, I am afflicted with coulrophobia - fear of clowns. Read Stephen King's book, "It," sometime. Clowns are dangerous and to be avoided at all costs!

* Visit Sesame Street

I do love Bert and Ernie.  I look up to Big Bird.  I identify with Oscar the Grouch many days.  But as much as I care for these wonderful characters, I have to acknowledge my pupaphobia - fear of puppets, or in this case - muppets.

* Read the Oxford English Dictionary

Everyone should leaf through a dictionary from time to time.  It's important to no howe to spelle wurdes.  I thought I might actually take on the Oxford English Dictionary until I discovered I had hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia - fear of long words.

* Actually, Doing Much of Anything Else...

Do you remember the Peanuts Christmas special where Charlie Brown goes to Lucy for psychiatric advice?  She proceeds to list quite a number of fears from which he might be suffering.  Then she finally comes to pantophobia - the fear of everything - and Charlie Brown explodes in self-recognition, "That's it!"  Well, that's me too!

Thanks for letting me share some of my phobias with you!  Here's to do absolutely nothing of significance with your life!

My Anti-Bucket List: Things I Would Never Ever Do! (Part 1)

January 29, 2014

A bucket list is a list of things you would like to do or accomplish before you die.  The origins of the term in all probability come from another turn of phrase - "kick the bucket," i.e. to die.  This term became especially popular in 2007 when the movie, "The Bucket List," starring Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson, came out.

Lots of people have bucket lists.  There are quite a number of websites dedicated to collecting and compiling such lists.  This blog post is not one of those.  My list is an "Anti-Bucket List."  It is a list of things I would never, ever do - even if you paid me, which of course, you won't.  You see, I'm not a proud man.  I will readily admit that I embrace many fears and anxieties.  Rather than viewing these phobias as a character flaw, I see them as protecting me from my own foolishness, and therein keeping me alive much, much longer than those people who have actual bucket lists.  Who knows when one of the items on such a list is going to backfire on you and drastically shorten you life?

I won't draw this out much further.  Here is ...

My Anti-Bucket List: Things I Would Never, Ever Do!

* Skydive

Are you kidding me???  Jump out of a perfectly good plane going 120 m.p.h. at 10,000 feet in the air with only a piece of well-folded fabric to save you from certain death?  I don't think so.  Plus, I have severe acrophobia - the fear of heights.

* Get a tattoo

My belly button and freckles are the only body art that I need.  I also suffer from aichmophobia - the fear of needles.

* Swim with sharks

Have you seen those flimsy little metal cages that are supposed to protect you while you swim with the world's most dangerous fish?  I've seen Jaws and that's as close as I want to be to a great white.  Besides I have ichthyophobia, which is the fear of fish; and then there is also my phagophobia - the fear of being eaten.  I have no intention of being some shark's appetizer. 

* Go on a cruise

Can you say, "Norovirus?"  I watch the news.  I know how many of these behemoth ships end up stranded in the middle of the ocean with no power, water or working toilets.  Like I'm going to pay a $1,000+ dollars for that experience.  Anyway, I have my thalassophobia to cope with, which is the fear of oceans and deep water.  I get seasick just going to the beach for an afternoon.

* Run a marathon

Me?  Run a marathon?  Hahahaha!!!  I came in last in a Kingsport Fun Run Race back when Lynn and I were first dating.  In any event, I am a student of history.  I know what happened to Pheidippides - the very first marathon runner.  He died at the end of his race.  I will continue to just walk, thank you very much.  And, as you might imagine, I also suffer from thanatophobia - the fear of dying.

* Visit every continent

Antarctica has already been conquered.  Australia is mostly hot, arid desert.  Then there is the matter of my hodophobia - the fear of travel itself.  Home, sweet home, I say.

* Go on a safari in Africa

I am no Teddy Roosevelt.  In fact, I am no hunter of any sort.  While I do have the desire to see the beautiful and exotic animals of Africa, the National Zoo and a camera will have to do.  Did I mention that I have agrizoophobia - the fear of wild animals, especially those roaming loose on the Serengeti.

* Climb Mount Everest

In May 1953, Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay stood alone together at the very top of the world.  These days, the summit is more congested than Washington, D.C. traffic.  In 2012, 236 people reached the peak in a single day.  If I wanted to stand in lines, I would go to Disney World.  There is also the matter of my altophobia, the fear of heights.  Mount Everest is over 29,000 feet.  I get queazy standing on a step ladder.

* Go paintballing

What is it with guys who like to have fun shooting things at each other?  As a kid, I loved to play "war" and shoot suction cup darts at my friends, but I gave that up when I was 11 or 12.  Paintballing at age 53?  I'll pass.  There is also the matter of my ballistophobia - the fear of being shot.  Considering that every day in the U.S. an average of 289 people are shot - a fear such as this is well founded.

* Shoot a gun

I have never, ever shot a firearm.  Nor do I ever want to.  Simple as that - that, and hoplophobia - the fear of guns, which in my opinion is a reasonable fear to have.  Also, see ballistophobia above.

* Spend New Year’s Eve in Times Square

My daughter, Cora, has done this.  That is sufficient for me.  I'll live through her experience.  Besides, you have to get to Times Square very early and stand in the freezing cold for hours upon end.  Did I mention that there aren't any bathrooms?  So you've either got to hold it, or buy a supply of Depends.  I should also mention that I suffer from chronophobia - the fear of time itself.  I don't need a crystal ball reminding me that yet another year has passed in my life.  Live for today, I say.  Carpe diem!

Part 2 of My Anti-Bucket List Tomorrow!

Cheers,

Steve

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